Oh my gulay, immersion ko na. This weekend. Sa Tarlac. Panic, panic, panic. Holy crap. Just when I thought this month couldn’t get any worse.

Oh well. At least it would be over and done with early this semester. Plus, it’s a long weekend, so I could rest on the following Monday. *sigh* And I was already planning to get out and have fun that weekend. Well, I am getting out (out of town pa nga e), and I hope I’ll have fun (in the farm), but this is far from what I was expecting.

In other news, I dreamed about Cutie Pie this morning, just before I woke up. We bumped into each other in the gym daw, and we kinda flirted with each other. Tapos while I was in the cross trainer (the gym equipment, not the kind of rubber shoes), I was making pa-sikat and pa-cute. Haha. Pathetic di buh? Well, libre lang ang mangarap. Haha.

Oh my goodness. I remember that I also dreamed I pulled out one of my incisors, the one near my right canine (or should I say, feline fang?), so that my teeth would look maayos na. Talk about taking matters into my own hands. But this is bad luck daw di ba? Oh no. I hope not.

I am so frustrated with my life right now. Things, as usual, are not going as planned. Aargh. It’s a very long and complicated story, and I don’t want to waste time or bytes by writing it in this blog. All I could tell you is that I’m feeling so helpless and frustrated because of how things are turning out. The people who I expected to understand me and the position that I’ve taken have been telling me that I shouldn’t have meddled in other people’s business (even though they know that it’s partly my business too). Meanwhile, the people who I expected to go against me, actually understand and are taking my side. *sigh* This sucks big time.

There’s really no point in discussing it; my friends (those who are on my side) and I have exhausted ourselves from incessantly talking about it for the past two weeks. Aargh. Wala lang. Gusto ko lang maglabas ng sama ng loob. All I can do right now is sigh and move on. Sigh and move on.

Am very sad today. Depressed even. It just sunk in: Cutie Pie is a lost cause. Wala na talaga akong pag-asa sa kanya even if some of the “complications” I was talking about are gone now. Another complication came up and this one is awfully difficult to get over with. There’s this rift (an understatement, believe me) among our mutual friends, and of course, nadamay na rin ako. Actually, I may have been the cause of this rift. No, hindi nila ako pinag-aagawan or something like that. Asa pa ko, ‘di ba? Basta, super grabe ng away na ito. Let’s just say that if I were a Republican, Cutie Pie would be a Democrat. Wait lang, I don’t want to be associated with Bush. I’ll be the Democrat then. But I don’t want Cutie Pie to be associated with Bush either. Hmm…

Oh well. Basta yun. We’ve taken opposing positions in this “battle,” that’s why I don’t think I’ll be seeing my obsession anytime soon. Actually, Cutie Pie insists na neutral sya. Agree sya sa point ng side ko, pero disagree sya sa action that we’ve taken. Ayaw nya kami tulungan, kahit alam nya na tama kami.

So I guess this means that I’d be following my manifesto from now on. *sigh* Depression.

[It may not seem to be a big deal for you, but it is for the people involved, or who are getting themselves involved, in this matter. And this is the kind of difference of opinion that’s very very hard to come to terms with, even after the matter is already settled. Gets nyo ba? Ah basta. It’s nothing really. Unlike me, you shouldn’t lose sleep over this.]

*gush* I saw my crush again last Saturday night. Gahd, super duper (mega over) cute. Can you see the stars coming out my eyes? *swoon*

*sigh* But it’s not really meant to be. Meron na syang iba… *sob* But that’s all right. Cute pa rin sya. Kelan ko kaya sya makikita ule? Hmm… *sigh* So much for my manifesto, huh? But, no, I’m not taking those back yet.

You might be wondering why I saw Cutie Pie last Saturday night. Well, there was a party somewhere in Timog and we were together… along with half a dozen of our friends. I had a so much fun that night, but I did some really stupid things as well. Sher, Raissa’s officemate, introduced me to someone (you do get the implication of being “introduced,” right?). Unfortunately, I was clueless as to what to do when situations like that arise, and my flirting mechanisms (if I ever had any) are rusty already. Needless to say, I totally messed up. When they told us to go to the dance floor, I said “Mamaya na, hindi pa ako lasing.” How foot-in-mouth disease is that? Anyway, we just stood there, not meeting each other’s eyes… nagkahiyaan! And when the music stopped playing, I went back to my table and didn’t invite Sher’s friend to sit with us. How impolite could I get? Gahd, one wrong move too many.

Anyway, later that night, I asked Raissa to tell me what to do next time somebody is introduced to me. Kung may next time pa. If it’s any consolation, I got one thing right: nung nagtanong sya about my age, tinanong ko rin sya. O ‘di ba? Our lame attempt to make small talk. Oh well. But to my defense, it was just too awkward, and I was just too shy and too stupid. Sher did tell me before that she would make me pakilala to someone (“Cute, Pau!”), but I didn’t expect it to be that soon! I also didn’t expect that person to be in the table next to ours! Oh well. Excuses, excuses. I hope we could see each other again so that I could redeem myself. If Sher would let me near her friend again, that is. I could be so bobo sometimes. Pasensya na, my brain doesn’t seem to be working properly these days.